I love history and especially Jewish history. I am working on a project at my synagogue to preserve our past by cataloging and counting the archival material including photos, scrapbooks and other miscellaneous items to save for posterity and make them available on the internet. I was looking through a random box of mixed items marked 1980's when I came upon a small envelope with my name on it from a fellow congregant and family friend who a few months ago passed away. Inside the envelope was a small memorial book the congregation gives to families whose loved ones have passed away. I was shocked at first. The feeling you get when time stands still and your mind is furiously trying to get a grip on meaning to what your seeing in your hands. In 1984 my father passed away and I thought this was an uncompleted transaction from the past finally finding its way to my hands but really it was an unfinished favor that I promised a friend. I was supposed to help out by passing out this book to others who had lost loved ones and coincidentally since my friend had just passed herself this was one last assignment completed. I realize this may sound confusing but sometimes unfinished business finds its way to conclusion one way or another. Either we dwell on a feeling until it tortures us or we make up our mind to forget about it and move on.
Moving on is our body's way of handling pain. I was in great physical pain for the year of mourning but when we had the stone setting and had the closing ceremony my pain resolved. I had made up my mind that I could not live life this way anymore and took the steps necessary to bring my life back to the present. I know that my parents would not want to see me suffer for them as I would not want my children to diminish their lives for me. But do not underestimate that this is hard stuff. These are deep and loving feelings that are shared between parent and child. It is no wonder that the Ten Commandments highlights honoring your mother and father and not the other way around or other family relationships.
Sometimes families have troubles, mental health, physical health or sociological issues, and the connection between a parent and child does not occur. This is powerfully tragic. Psychologists say that the attachment a child needs to form for the parent has to occur by the age of two. If that does not happen it most likely won't. You just have to read the newspaper to see the failure of families and wonder what the upbringing of the child was like when they were young. Sometimes children from failed families never got a chance and when I read articles about young people heading to a life of prison or been murdered I mourn for that missed opportunity for a happy successful life.
Social action, the modern term for tikkun olam, or repairing the world is an idea that is quite old. Those who have been blessed with food on the table and a bed to sleep in are responsible to look out for those who suffer. There are many ways to help just look around and if you can donate time and money you are doing a double mitzvah... a blessing to the child and you have taken a small step to save the world.
