Last January, my husband Mark, the kids and I went to Florida to spend time with Len before we went on a vacation. We took Grandpa Len out for lunch with cousins and my daughters played piano and sang for anyone listening at the retirement home where he was living at that time. It was such a lovely moment for everyone and the one I will remember most when thinking of his his last months.
Every ending has a beginning....
In the early married days, both Len and Ruth worked hard. Ruth as a teacher and Len as chemical engineer. To raise their family, often moving up to ten times for work or to get better care for a sick child life challenges came at them and were handled to the best of their ability. Both Ruth and Len came from hard working middle class families. Education was important and we heard Len was working on a PhD in Engineering when the Korean War interrupted his life and the lives of his generation. Len once told us that he wanted to be a doctor and go to medical school but admission limitations toward Jews prevented that dream. His children and grandchildren are making up for that and he was proud of them. His duties during the Korean War was to use his knowledge as a Chemical Engineer to help keep the troops healthy solving problems with sanitation issues. He loved photography and created a slide set of photos detailing his arrival home after the war. His correspondence letters to his beloved Ruth also detail the days he spent in the war. Shortly after his arrival home Ruth and Len were married on June 28, 1953 in New Jersey.
It will be almost twenty years when my father in law announced to us he and Ruth were moving away from their home in Columbus, Ohio to Boynton Beach, Florida to retire. After working as a chemical engineer and inventor with some successes. My father in law decided to join my mother in law as a Realtor, a field she had switched into after her thirty years as a teacher. Together they opened up a real estate agency called "Rood Realty". This gave the two of them an opportunity to work together and by doing that my father in law was able to raise enough cash to finally retire. This was his dream and not necessarily hers, but so excited was he that this time in their lives had finally come, Ruth agreed to join him. It worked out well for them for the first ten years they were healthy, my mother in law was in remission from her cancer, Non-Hodgins Lymphoma, and they had money from retirement and the sale of the home in Columbus. The neighborhood was brand new and, Len's personality was more outgoing and they enjoyed meeting new friends, reconnecting with family and socializing as they had not done in a long time.
My mother in law, Ruth, had lived with cancer for 27 years and passed away in 2011. I know she was frustrated as she saw Len and the oncoming dementia. She tried to communicate this to her sons, but they were not listening. Not because they did not care, but because eventually dementia makes itself known and everyone has to pay attention. In the early days of the disease, dementia quietly sneaks up on families so that by the time one figures out what is wrong, it is too late to prevent, but only keep comfortable. I believe my mother in law saw the early changes, and did not have the physical strength to do anything about it. I always felt my father in law was lucky with his version of the illness, in that, he could walk and talk, be social and pleasant. In fact, I sometimes felt, he was easier to be around and less confrontational than when he was healthy, but frustrated with work or an experiment he was currently working on. Just before my mother in law passed away we moved them both into an assisted living facility in Florida. We knew Ruth hated it there and within six months, coincident or not, she passed away. Len met other widowed women to socialize with and share company for dinner.. He seemed to get along okay in his widower-hood and so as family we took comfort in the fact that he was okay and thus our visits were less frequent than when my mother in law was alive.
The last week of life.....
The girls and I arrived in Florida first and went straight to the hospital to see Len whom we were told was in intensive care. The hospital he was taken to the week before was JFK Medical Center in Atlantis, Florida. This is the closest medical center, to Cresthaven East, the assisted living home where he lived. Mark, joined us that evening and the rest of the family arrived the next day as the weather delayed flights from the north down to Florida. When we saw Len at the hospital he looked like he was sleeping. We sat nearby and told stories of better days. At this point all medical availability was being utilized. He had lines for food and medicine and oxygen to keep him pink and alive,
We we told, quite too late, that Len had not received enough oxygen after his heart failed in the ambulance and so all these heroics were useless as eventually decisions had to be made to disengage my father in law from life giving help. The choice of when to leave the living, of course, was up to him. The exact minute between life and death seems important to some and I wonder if the person leaving this world gets a vote as to who gets to witness. I am guessing that if a person has had a loving relationship with someone in the real world then there might be few regrets if you are not present for the exact moment of leaving. If on the other hand, there were things or thoughts left unsaid, emotional leftovers might get in the way of moving on with life. In our case I feel we shared time with Len enough over the years, so that aside from bringing him back to Ohio, we did all we could do in a reasonable way.
A few things happened right before we said goodbye for the last time that I think were odd and could be argued in favor of signals from the other side that it is you time. I will lay out the case and you decide for yourselves. First, in the winter when we visited Len he kept asking to north with us because he believed he was being kicked out of the assisted living facility. We believed him at first and checked with the staff and they reassured us that nothing was going to happen, but when we came back to collect his things we learned that the facility had major staff turnover and that perhaps there might have been talk of closing down for a brief moment. We will never know for sure.
Usually the assistant living facility neglects to inform the family when my father in law is admitted to the hospital and we find out from the hospital. This time the assisted living facility lets us know but the hospital does not. Since we are never informed as to the condition of Len at every turn, and only find out when we call, even though the hospital has Mark's number we are shocked to find out how serious the heart event actually was and that with two sons as physicians there is nothing we can do about it. This makes a profound impression on Mark, a family physician, who spends his days saving people's lives.
Epilogue
The family is upset and disappointed at how JFK Medical Center handled the admission and follow up of my father in law Leonard Rood. They, as an institution, should be ashamed of themselves. We tried to recover Len's belongings and were told they could not be found.
The hospital administrator has confirmed that all of my father in laws property when initially admitted into the hospital from the Emergency Department; his clothing, wallet and wedding ring are lost and cannot be recovered. They have informed us that they are closing his case.
