My husband just came back from a medical lecture where a nationally recognized speaker mentioned that if medical research knew in the 1980's what they know now about the negative effects of stress on the body, stress reduction would have been chosen over smoking cessation as a top priority risk factor for Heart Disease, Stroke and Obesity. You don't say! My father was a 2 pack a day smoker, no thanks to the tobacco companies, who included cigarettes in the supplies handed to soldiers during WWII. So when he had the big heart attack that eventually killed him, my aunt, a nurse, told me she believed it was stress that really killed him and not necessarily the smoking. This was back in 1984. I was a confused and upset twenty-something at the time, had she been right all this time? I never smoked thanks to him. My brothers quit immediately. Talk about stressful situations, burying a parent too soon has got to be at least on the top ten list of stresses in life.
This brings to mind what to do to prevent harm to the body after a high stress event occurs. Meditation and finding quiet time is one way to help calm a person. Think happy thoughts sounds trite, but it may be a clue to begin a positive path that helps slow down the poisonous chemical activity your body begins when stress occurs. Attending religious services is a simple way to bring your mind into a meditative state even if you do not actually pay attention to the service. Making time to take a walk and contemplate nature twice a day for 15 minutes works as well. I recently listened to a National Geographic special where a researcher pointed out that laughing produces endorphin's which may heal and repair brain cells to keep us healthy and alive.
Many years ago I studied the story of the death of the Hebrew Matriarch Sarah, which is read around this time of year, it is called Chaya Sarah and in Hebrew means actually "the life of Sarah". It is quite an important story in the Torah for two reasons 1) because Sarah is Abraham's wife, and 2) Sarah got away with laughing at God. In fact, she is only one of the handful women who are even mentioned in the Bible. Well, in this particular story, Isaac, the child so hard to conceive and who played sidekick to Abraham, Jacob and Rebecca in other major stories, finally has a big decision to make. To bury and remember his beloved mother and let his father off the hook to live with his other wives and family, most famous, Hagar and Ishmael. Isaac has plenty of stress in the sadness of losing his mother, his family breaking apart, and to learn to let go and start anew, which he does. The stress Issac feels is very real even today. Loss of a family member, a job, or your home creates feelings of abandonment and questions your sense of purpose.
In the reading of Chaya Sarah, Issac does the right thing, he allows his father to move on with his life and Isaac gives himself permission to move on as well. Not bad advice for 5000 years. Pay attention to the details and the small stresses that add up big in your life. Take the hint when family says "enough already" it's time to move on.
Friday, November 1, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Next Time You Travel Take A Jewcation
My children are all geniuses. No really, I know all parents think that their kids are bright but mine are so smart that they wear smarty pants. What I mean really is that they are smart-allacks and by that I mean they make fun of my love for searching for Jewish life in the past when we travel. I know this post seems like one big kvell, and maybe it is, but I have been doing both for years, kvelling about my kids and looking for Jewish life from the past.
We traveled to Paris, France one year for Spring break when the girls were in grade school and there we celebrated Passover. Since they could sing all the verses of the Manesh Tanah, or the 4 Questions traditionally asked by the youngest at the table, my girls volunteered to chant them in Hebrew in front of hundreds of families from various countries who were traveling that year, along with the Jewish community of Paris. I don't know if they remember this but I know I will never forget it. We traveled again last year and had Passover in Dublin, Ireland. Since they were now young twenty somethings, my daughter did the 4 Questions in sign language, after a game our host played called "How many different languages can we chant the 4 Question in" and then proceeded to go around the room and sing them in about twenty different languages. These are life experiences that make you a Jew of the world not just of your home community.
I like to hunt for Jews of the past. Jews who lived in communities in neighborhoods that do not really exist anymore. My smart-alleck, sign language speaking daughter calls it a Jewcation. For example, we recently came back from a family vacation on a cruise in the Mediterranean, which was lovely. I feel bad that I did not do my research better before I left town. At every port we searched for the local synagogue and sadly most local tourist information personnel are young and not aware that Jews had a vibrant past in their country. Internet, in the form of free WiFi is still intermittent in Europe, except of course, at the local McDonald's, or if you buy something at a cafe thus doing research on the run is difficult.
So we look around for clues to Jewish life in the past in words or building structures such as old churches that did not have a lot of Christian ornamentation on them or back alleys that seemed deserted but you got the aura that seemed comfortable to a Jew. In Sicily we found an odd looking statue that had angels wings and Hebrew letters in a glass case (along with a bullet hole and graffiti in Italian), that looked totally out of place and decided it must be a Holocaust memorial or a symbol for the Archangel Michael. I am doing research to figure out what it represents but so far no luck.
When our ship stopped in Palma de Majorca we found a street named El Temple which was in fact home to a Jewish Ghetto during the times when the Arabians first invaded the island and the entire Iberian Peninsula in 711. Jews lived pretty well under the Muslims and flourished in trades such as gold and silversmiths. By the late Middle Ages, though, the takeover of Spain and Southern Italy by Christian King Ferdinand II of Aragon and his marriage to Isabella I of Castile completely expelled, converted or killed the Moors of Granada along with the Jews prior to 1492 and completely by 1493.
These are just a few of the adventures of our Jewcation and as we go through the photos we will find many more clues to Jewish life in the past. There are nowadays more Jewish tours through old towns throughout Europe east and west. As modern ideas find their way into ancient towns the restrictive mores are going away and a rebirth of the Jewish life that was once there is beginning to show. It is just there to find and as long as my brilliant kids are willing to travel with me we will continue to discover our Jewish past as a family. For after all it isn't just the kvelling that my girls want to travel with me that is important, the real blessing is that we are together.
We traveled to Paris, France one year for Spring break when the girls were in grade school and there we celebrated Passover. Since they could sing all the verses of the Manesh Tanah, or the 4 Questions traditionally asked by the youngest at the table, my girls volunteered to chant them in Hebrew in front of hundreds of families from various countries who were traveling that year, along with the Jewish community of Paris. I don't know if they remember this but I know I will never forget it. We traveled again last year and had Passover in Dublin, Ireland. Since they were now young twenty somethings, my daughter did the 4 Questions in sign language, after a game our host played called "How many different languages can we chant the 4 Question in" and then proceeded to go around the room and sing them in about twenty different languages. These are life experiences that make you a Jew of the world not just of your home community.
I like to hunt for Jews of the past. Jews who lived in communities in neighborhoods that do not really exist anymore. My smart-alleck, sign language speaking daughter calls it a Jewcation. For example, we recently came back from a family vacation on a cruise in the Mediterranean, which was lovely. I feel bad that I did not do my research better before I left town. At every port we searched for the local synagogue and sadly most local tourist information personnel are young and not aware that Jews had a vibrant past in their country. Internet, in the form of free WiFi is still intermittent in Europe, except of course, at the local McDonald's, or if you buy something at a cafe thus doing research on the run is difficult.
So we look around for clues to Jewish life in the past in words or building structures such as old churches that did not have a lot of Christian ornamentation on them or back alleys that seemed deserted but you got the aura that seemed comfortable to a Jew. In Sicily we found an odd looking statue that had angels wings and Hebrew letters in a glass case (along with a bullet hole and graffiti in Italian), that looked totally out of place and decided it must be a Holocaust memorial or a symbol for the Archangel Michael. I am doing research to figure out what it represents but so far no luck.
When our ship stopped in Palma de Majorca we found a street named El Temple which was in fact home to a Jewish Ghetto during the times when the Arabians first invaded the island and the entire Iberian Peninsula in 711. Jews lived pretty well under the Muslims and flourished in trades such as gold and silversmiths. By the late Middle Ages, though, the takeover of Spain and Southern Italy by Christian King Ferdinand II of Aragon and his marriage to Isabella I of Castile completely expelled, converted or killed the Moors of Granada along with the Jews prior to 1492 and completely by 1493.
These are just a few of the adventures of our Jewcation and as we go through the photos we will find many more clues to Jewish life in the past. There are nowadays more Jewish tours through old towns throughout Europe east and west. As modern ideas find their way into ancient towns the restrictive mores are going away and a rebirth of the Jewish life that was once there is beginning to show. It is just there to find and as long as my brilliant kids are willing to travel with me we will continue to discover our Jewish past as a family. For after all it isn't just the kvelling that my girls want to travel with me that is important, the real blessing is that we are together.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Someone to Watch Over Me....
I love history and especially Jewish history. I am working on a project at my synagogue to preserve our past by cataloging and counting the archival material including photos, scrapbooks and other miscellaneous items to save for posterity and make them available on the internet. I was looking through a random box of mixed items marked 1980's when I came upon a small envelope with my name on it from a fellow congregant and family friend who a few months ago passed away. Inside the envelope was a small memorial book the congregation gives to families whose loved ones have passed away. I was shocked at first. The feeling you get when time stands still and your mind is furiously trying to get a grip on meaning to what your seeing in your hands. In 1984 my father passed away and I thought this was an uncompleted transaction from the past finally finding its way to my hands but really it was an unfinished favor that I promised a friend. I was supposed to help out by passing out this book to others who had lost loved ones and coincidentally since my friend had just passed herself this was one last assignment completed. I realize this may sound confusing but sometimes unfinished business finds its way to conclusion one way or another. Either we dwell on a feeling until it tortures us or we make up our mind to forget about it and move on.
Moving on is our body's way of handling pain. I was in great physical pain for the year of mourning but when we had the stone setting and had the closing ceremony my pain resolved. I had made up my mind that I could not live life this way anymore and took the steps necessary to bring my life back to the present. I know that my parents would not want to see me suffer for them as I would not want my children to diminish their lives for me. But do not underestimate that this is hard stuff. These are deep and loving feelings that are shared between parent and child. It is no wonder that the Ten Commandments highlights honoring your mother and father and not the other way around or other family relationships.
Sometimes families have troubles, mental health, physical health or sociological issues, and the connection between a parent and child does not occur. This is powerfully tragic. Psychologists say that the attachment a child needs to form for the parent has to occur by the age of two. If that does not happen it most likely won't. You just have to read the newspaper to see the failure of families and wonder what the upbringing of the child was like when they were young. Sometimes children from failed families never got a chance and when I read articles about young people heading to a life of prison or been murdered I mourn for that missed opportunity for a happy successful life.
Social action, the modern term for tikkun olam, or repairing the world is an idea that is quite old. Those who have been blessed with food on the table and a bed to sleep in are responsible to look out for those who suffer. There are many ways to help just look around and if you can donate time and money you are doing a double mitzvah... a blessing to the child and you have taken a small step to save the world.
Moving on is our body's way of handling pain. I was in great physical pain for the year of mourning but when we had the stone setting and had the closing ceremony my pain resolved. I had made up my mind that I could not live life this way anymore and took the steps necessary to bring my life back to the present. I know that my parents would not want to see me suffer for them as I would not want my children to diminish their lives for me. But do not underestimate that this is hard stuff. These are deep and loving feelings that are shared between parent and child. It is no wonder that the Ten Commandments highlights honoring your mother and father and not the other way around or other family relationships.
Sometimes families have troubles, mental health, physical health or sociological issues, and the connection between a parent and child does not occur. This is powerfully tragic. Psychologists say that the attachment a child needs to form for the parent has to occur by the age of two. If that does not happen it most likely won't. You just have to read the newspaper to see the failure of families and wonder what the upbringing of the child was like when they were young. Sometimes children from failed families never got a chance and when I read articles about young people heading to a life of prison or been murdered I mourn for that missed opportunity for a happy successful life.
Social action, the modern term for tikkun olam, or repairing the world is an idea that is quite old. Those who have been blessed with food on the table and a bed to sleep in are responsible to look out for those who suffer. There are many ways to help just look around and if you can donate time and money you are doing a double mitzvah... a blessing to the child and you have taken a small step to save the world.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
A Father's Day Remembrance
June 16, 2013
I am grateful another father's day is over. The father's days of today are not as much fun as when I had my own father around to share the day. Partly because he was there and partly because of the innocence I had in always believing that life as I knew it would stay the same. Grateful ignorance I call it today. I still envy those friends and strangers who are lucky enough to have long living fathers. No matter how healthy if you have a living ancestor you should be glad. Tonight my family and I tried to dissect archival papers to piece together the life we guess my father and his father lived over the past one hundred years. My oldest brother does not remember stories told when he was young about the history of my father's family. I am ten years younger and nobody really spoke of the old days anymore by the time I was older.
Father and son relationships were often strained in the Bible. Abraham had two wives of note and a son from each wife. He had a relationship with each son and mother but in obeying God had to send one set away until later in his life. I learned in a Bible class that Abraham was unhappy having to send away his second family. After Sarah died he asked and received Issac's permission to go find his displaced family. This is a small detail most people do not know. Not knowing small details it seems is common when life does not break in your favor. Sometimes it is easier not to know the hardships and stress of daily life of an ancestor but then again you do not know the joys either. Even celebrity families had their ups and downs. The kings and queens of faraway lands had their family problems too. Many wars were started by brothers fighting over land or fortune over the centuries from ancient days to modern times. I guess the moral I am trying to distill from my musings is to be enjoy the life you have and learn from the mistakes made by ancestors in your family. Also, appreciate the good in your life and be grateful. Try to live each day with a focused balance by taking care of yourself and your loved ones as well as doing good for others.
I am grateful another father's day is over. The father's days of today are not as much fun as when I had my own father around to share the day. Partly because he was there and partly because of the innocence I had in always believing that life as I knew it would stay the same. Grateful ignorance I call it today. I still envy those friends and strangers who are lucky enough to have long living fathers. No matter how healthy if you have a living ancestor you should be glad. Tonight my family and I tried to dissect archival papers to piece together the life we guess my father and his father lived over the past one hundred years. My oldest brother does not remember stories told when he was young about the history of my father's family. I am ten years younger and nobody really spoke of the old days anymore by the time I was older.
Father and son relationships were often strained in the Bible. Abraham had two wives of note and a son from each wife. He had a relationship with each son and mother but in obeying God had to send one set away until later in his life. I learned in a Bible class that Abraham was unhappy having to send away his second family. After Sarah died he asked and received Issac's permission to go find his displaced family. This is a small detail most people do not know. Not knowing small details it seems is common when life does not break in your favor. Sometimes it is easier not to know the hardships and stress of daily life of an ancestor but then again you do not know the joys either. Even celebrity families had their ups and downs. The kings and queens of faraway lands had their family problems too. Many wars were started by brothers fighting over land or fortune over the centuries from ancient days to modern times. I guess the moral I am trying to distill from my musings is to be enjoy the life you have and learn from the mistakes made by ancestors in your family. Also, appreciate the good in your life and be grateful. Try to live each day with a focused balance by taking care of yourself and your loved ones as well as doing good for others.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
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