June 16, 2013
I am grateful another father's day is over. The father's days of today are not as much fun as when I had my own father around to share the day. Partly because he was there and partly because of the innocence I had in always believing that life as I knew it would stay the same. Grateful ignorance I call it today. I still envy those friends and strangers who are lucky enough to have long living fathers. No matter how healthy if you have a living ancestor you should be glad. Tonight my family and I tried to dissect archival papers to piece together the life we guess my father and his father lived over the past one hundred years. My oldest brother does not remember stories told when he was young about the history of my father's family. I am ten years younger and nobody really spoke of the old days anymore by the time I was older.
Father and son relationships were often strained in the Bible. Abraham had two wives of note and a son from each wife. He had a relationship with each son and mother but in obeying God had to send one set away until later in his life. I learned in a Bible class that Abraham was unhappy having to send away his second family. After Sarah died he asked and received Issac's permission to go find his displaced family. This is a small detail most people do not know. Not knowing small details it seems is common when life does not break in your favor. Sometimes it is easier not to know the hardships and stress of daily life of an ancestor but then again you do not know the joys either. Even celebrity families had their ups and downs. The kings and queens of faraway lands had their family problems too. Many wars were started by brothers fighting over land or fortune over the centuries from ancient days to modern times. I guess the moral I am trying to distill from my musings is to be enjoy the life you have and learn from the mistakes made by ancestors in your family. Also, appreciate the good in your life and be grateful. Try to live each day with a focused balance by taking care of yourself and your loved ones as well as doing good for others.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Monday, April 15, 2013
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Celebrations and Affirmations...
It has been a few months since my last post but I knew as I came to the Yarzeit ( end of the mourning period) of my mother's passing last year that February was going to be hard. Here we are the weekend before the start of Passover, the first of four new year celebrations in the Jewish calendar and it is time for renewal. As I make my seder plans and choose my recipes I want to take a moment to put in perspective where I am in my life right now, as we all should once in a while. Many people think there are too many rules to follow in life whether you believe in religion or not. Staying healthy, spiritually and physically, has rules too. So, I would like to take a moment here and use the Bible, an already defined set of rules, to help me sort out the mishagos going on in my world and maybe in yours too.
Here is a quick review of the four new years for Jews.
The 1st of Nisan is the first month in the Hebrew calendar. It falls around April and signals the first New Year according to the Bible. Its purpose is to mark the date from which the years of the Kings were counted and we associate it with the holiday of Passover. In this holiday we clean out our pantries, literally, and throw out or "sell" the bread in our cupboards. For dieters this is a great starting point to reset your eating habits as you do not eat any leavened products for one week. Take that Atkins and everyone else who decided bread was a bad idea.
The second new year according to the Bible is the 1st of Elul, the sixth month of the Hebrew calendar, and we could think of it as Biblical Tax Day. This is the time of year where in the Ancient Days all the Tribes would bring a tithe of wine , animals, grain to Jerusalem and donate to the Priests. This served at least two purposes that still make sense today. First, it allowed the Priests to have an accounting of heads and treasure throughout the land and to speak with the heads of the households to gain information of what gains or losses that were happening at that time. Second, since the Priests technically never left the holy Temple and did not farm or grow wine this was the method of how they were fed and as thanks the Tribes were blessed for another year. Today this new year is forgotten in its original purpose but we use it as a marker to get ready for Rosh Hashanah. However, for health purposes our lesson is to be accountable to each other and say a blessing now and then to give thanks for the life we were given.
The third New Year is the 1st of Tishrei, actually the seventh month of the Hebrew calendar and is associated with the holiday of Rosh Hashanah, the "Head of the New Year" where the actual count of time in years takes place as in 2013 is 5773. Spiritually, we could use this time to meditate and think back over what went right and things we might do differently in the coming year.
The fourth new year according to the Biblical calendar is the 15th of Shvat and is known as the New Year of the Trees. Today, as in the ancient times, it is the Jewish holiday of Tu B'Shvat where its purpose was to count the age of the trees. It is springtime in Israel at this time of year and almond trees begin to flower, so marking this time is important, as agriculture was and is very important to survival in this land. As this holiday takes place in January which begins "diet season", a reminder to eat fruits, vegetables and nuts, offers a spiritual purpose to what most Americans are already doing.
My children are really adults now and this year trying to host seders of their own. This is an exciting milestone in my life as I say goodbye to the seders of my past. Now, I share with them recipes and stories of what happened at the seders of my youth and with their help, create new memories that they can tell their children.
Chag Sameah
Happy Passover
Here is a quick review of the four new years for Jews.
The 1st of Nisan is the first month in the Hebrew calendar. It falls around April and signals the first New Year according to the Bible. Its purpose is to mark the date from which the years of the Kings were counted and we associate it with the holiday of Passover. In this holiday we clean out our pantries, literally, and throw out or "sell" the bread in our cupboards. For dieters this is a great starting point to reset your eating habits as you do not eat any leavened products for one week. Take that Atkins and everyone else who decided bread was a bad idea.
The second new year according to the Bible is the 1st of Elul, the sixth month of the Hebrew calendar, and we could think of it as Biblical Tax Day. This is the time of year where in the Ancient Days all the Tribes would bring a tithe of wine , animals, grain to Jerusalem and donate to the Priests. This served at least two purposes that still make sense today. First, it allowed the Priests to have an accounting of heads and treasure throughout the land and to speak with the heads of the households to gain information of what gains or losses that were happening at that time. Second, since the Priests technically never left the holy Temple and did not farm or grow wine this was the method of how they were fed and as thanks the Tribes were blessed for another year. Today this new year is forgotten in its original purpose but we use it as a marker to get ready for Rosh Hashanah. However, for health purposes our lesson is to be accountable to each other and say a blessing now and then to give thanks for the life we were given.
The third New Year is the 1st of Tishrei, actually the seventh month of the Hebrew calendar and is associated with the holiday of Rosh Hashanah, the "Head of the New Year" where the actual count of time in years takes place as in 2013 is 5773. Spiritually, we could use this time to meditate and think back over what went right and things we might do differently in the coming year.
The fourth new year according to the Biblical calendar is the 15th of Shvat and is known as the New Year of the Trees. Today, as in the ancient times, it is the Jewish holiday of Tu B'Shvat where its purpose was to count the age of the trees. It is springtime in Israel at this time of year and almond trees begin to flower, so marking this time is important, as agriculture was and is very important to survival in this land. As this holiday takes place in January which begins "diet season", a reminder to eat fruits, vegetables and nuts, offers a spiritual purpose to what most Americans are already doing.
My children are really adults now and this year trying to host seders of their own. This is an exciting milestone in my life as I say goodbye to the seders of my past. Now, I share with them recipes and stories of what happened at the seders of my youth and with their help, create new memories that they can tell their children.
Chag Sameah
Happy Passover
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Shhh....Quieting the mind...New Year.... New Me
One of my favorite stories is the one where the family comes to the old Rabbi in town who hears and judges all the woes of the townspeople. The head of the family says"Rabbi our house is too small...we have to move away" the Rabbi says "before you go try this...take all the animals in the farm and put them inside your house...then take all the outdoor farm tools and equiptment and put them inside the house as well" the head of the house says "ok" and goes home and puts all the farm equiptment and tools inside the house along with all the farm animals. He goes back to the Rabbi and says "Rabbi...my house was too small before but now it is really too small!". The Rabbi says "Good... now take out all the farm equiptment and take out all the farm animals and let me know what happens". So the head of the family goes home and takes out all the farm animals and all the farm equiptment and suddenly they have all the room they need! The head of the family comes back to the Rabbi and tells him how happy they are now in their big new house!
I laugh every time I hear this story because, of course, the size of the house never changes just the point of view of the family. Rabbis are so wise... people forget point of view changes by the hour and the circumstance. Perspective is hard to maintain, particularly, when we are under stressful situations. How we feel right now is not a true indication of how we will always feel. Yet hurt feelings and words spoken in fear or anger may change relationships with the ones we love for a very long time.
Situations change and people change and what may lie ahead for us might not be in our control. Acknowledging this and being okay with it will help lower stress. Stress is an emotion, but it is also a physical assault on the body. Inflammation is a direct response to stress. We can view inflammation by site when we see a cut on our skin and the redness that results. If the cut goes untreated we feel soreness and perhaps infection. These symptoms happen inside the body as well. We feel pain and could have infection in areas of our bodies that are affected with stress if left untreated. Medical science is linking many diseases such as Diabetes, Heart Disease and Alzheimers to inflammation as a source. To reduce the inflammation, research is finding is to reduce the stress, and that requires some form of quieting of the mind. Meditation and yoga or exercise everyday for even just ten minutes can help center your spirit and lower your stress. Try it what can you lose?
I laugh every time I hear this story because, of course, the size of the house never changes just the point of view of the family. Rabbis are so wise... people forget point of view changes by the hour and the circumstance. Perspective is hard to maintain, particularly, when we are under stressful situations. How we feel right now is not a true indication of how we will always feel. Yet hurt feelings and words spoken in fear or anger may change relationships with the ones we love for a very long time.
Situations change and people change and what may lie ahead for us might not be in our control. Acknowledging this and being okay with it will help lower stress. Stress is an emotion, but it is also a physical assault on the body. Inflammation is a direct response to stress. We can view inflammation by site when we see a cut on our skin and the redness that results. If the cut goes untreated we feel soreness and perhaps infection. These symptoms happen inside the body as well. We feel pain and could have infection in areas of our bodies that are affected with stress if left untreated. Medical science is linking many diseases such as Diabetes, Heart Disease and Alzheimers to inflammation as a source. To reduce the inflammation, research is finding is to reduce the stress, and that requires some form of quieting of the mind. Meditation and yoga or exercise everyday for even just ten minutes can help center your spirit and lower your stress. Try it what can you lose?
Friday, December 14, 2012
"A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes..."
In the Spring of 1976 I sang in my high school choir. It was my senior year and I performed a duet from the Disney Song Catalog that year. We sang the opening lines to "A Dream is a Wish" (1950) Cinderella. My duet partner sang the opening line and I sang the following line..."in dreams you will lose your heartache..." then the chorus followed up with "no matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing" ....I could not have predicted how true or relevant that song would become in my life until later.
Today, I am ending the year of saying the Mourners Kaddish for the death of my mother next month in January. During this year I have been expressing my mourning as real pain in my back. I have suffered back pain as I have never suffered it in the past and have tried many treatments for it with some success. I do not go to sleep in pain but through the process of vivid dreaming I wake up in pain. I believe the pain, my mother's death and my dreams are connected. I have not figured out why aside from the obvious that I am angry and stressed that she has left me and this stress is doing physical damage to my body, specifically my back.
Last night again, I was up in the middle of the night with pain and rather than taking a pain reliever, I decided to ignore the pain and try to shift position and go back to sleep. Again I had a vivid dream only this time my mother came to me in my dream. She gave me a big hug and I told her that I loved her and I knew that she loved me too. At that moment I realized my pain was gone and I fell back to sleep. Was this real? Who knows but it really doesn't matter. I still have pain. The phsyical damage does not magically go away completely, but it suggests that if I ever need to contact my mother I know I can always find her in my dreams and for now that is enough for me.
This experience brings me back to the only solo I had when I was in high school. I did not understand the true meaning of the words to that song until now as a mid-life adult. I think perhaps the writers of that lyric understood, too, a second meaning. Maybe they weren't speaking of a parent but you can feel loss in the words to that song very powerful and very cleverly disguised in a children tale. The end of the song is not sad and neither is the end of a grieving period. One purpose of mourning is that the mind, through our dreams, cleanses the spirit of grief as we move back to a happy life. Jewish tradition says that the departed soul must move on and that the Mourners Kaddish prayer daily recited must eventually stop so that family members will move on too.
Today, I am ending the year of saying the Mourners Kaddish for the death of my mother next month in January. During this year I have been expressing my mourning as real pain in my back. I have suffered back pain as I have never suffered it in the past and have tried many treatments for it with some success. I do not go to sleep in pain but through the process of vivid dreaming I wake up in pain. I believe the pain, my mother's death and my dreams are connected. I have not figured out why aside from the obvious that I am angry and stressed that she has left me and this stress is doing physical damage to my body, specifically my back.
Last night again, I was up in the middle of the night with pain and rather than taking a pain reliever, I decided to ignore the pain and try to shift position and go back to sleep. Again I had a vivid dream only this time my mother came to me in my dream. She gave me a big hug and I told her that I loved her and I knew that she loved me too. At that moment I realized my pain was gone and I fell back to sleep. Was this real? Who knows but it really doesn't matter. I still have pain. The phsyical damage does not magically go away completely, but it suggests that if I ever need to contact my mother I know I can always find her in my dreams and for now that is enough for me.
This experience brings me back to the only solo I had when I was in high school. I did not understand the true meaning of the words to that song until now as a mid-life adult. I think perhaps the writers of that lyric understood, too, a second meaning. Maybe they weren't speaking of a parent but you can feel loss in the words to that song very powerful and very cleverly disguised in a children tale. The end of the song is not sad and neither is the end of a grieving period. One purpose of mourning is that the mind, through our dreams, cleanses the spirit of grief as we move back to a happy life. Jewish tradition says that the departed soul must move on and that the Mourners Kaddish prayer daily recited must eventually stop so that family members will move on too.
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